Some days I wish I could just stand barefooted in the green grass in my old back yard, hold my soft blankie to my nose, and suck my thumb.
It would give me time to think. To plan. To process.
I need that time today when I’ll be attending not one but TWO lunch meetings. One at 11:30 for a board I serve on, and one at 1:30 for my writing group. Neither of which will have food I can have on Whole30 — one serves Jimmy John’s subs, the other is a mystery menu at the home of someone I’ve met only once. I’ve emailed her to find out the menu, but haven’t heard back.
And this is when pausing with the gentle fuzz of my security blanket against my face would come in handy. Instead, I sip my coffee with coconut milk in it, and ponder my P To The Third Power — Preliminary Plan for Provisions:
- The first lunch meeting isn’t much of an issue. I’ll eat a late breakfast, and that should carry me over nicely. I’m not nuts about sub sandwiches, anyway, especially the ones on bland white sub buns (sub glue), so that cold sandwich won’t be much of a tease. The only thing that might tempt me is the pop. Man, do I miss my diet pop some days! I haven’t had it since the day after Thanksgiving. Carbonated water helps with the craving for the bubbly, but not with my desire for the sweet stuff that burns all the way down. So, I’ll take my carbonated water, eat my late breakfast, and I’ll be fine.
- The second lunch: I’ll be hungry by 1:30ish. Plus I’ll be going to a house where I’ve never been. And this is the first time of meeting with this new writing group, and there will be women there I’ve never met. I’m sure they’re all very nice, but it brings out the shyness in me that I suffered with as a kid (being shy is THE PITS! and when it crops up in my adult life — which is rarely, thank goodness — I feel it in my chest, shadowing me around, waiting to make me say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing… blah, blah, blah.). It’s just easier to eat. Even if it means eating stuff that makes me sick or messes up my Whole30 progress. For my entire life, hiding behind a food “blankie” has been my modus operandi. Why stop now?
- Why stop now? Because I’m ending the cycle. The cycle stops here. No more eating out of stress or fear or shyness. I eat when I’m hungry, stop when I’m full. And I choose choice fare — that fare that makes me healthier.
- So, at the risk of offending my host for my writing group who will be cooking for us today, my plan right now is to take a salad and my Whole30-compliant dressing and a couple of hard-boiled eggs for protein. I’ll leave everything in my car until I see what’s on the menu (so I don’t stir up a bunch of convo unnecessarily or bring a lot of attention to my shy self) and will get it if I need it. And I’ve learned that saying “I’m allergic,” is mostly true. After my first Whole30, I’m amazed at the foods I can no longer tolerate, like dairy and wheat and processed meats.
- This is a plan that will bring me good health, peace of mind, and purposeful intent over my life for this day. And I still get to re-fuel among friends. I’m good with that. I’m real good with it.